Here's one pro's take:
"The story hits the ground running, introducing action and suspense. The opening pages raise several intriguing questions that immediately draw you in. Who is Roberto and why exactly is the CIA hunting him? What does all this have to do with the JFK assassination? Will Mona complete her mission and return safely? By revealing information gradually, the writer builds tension and mystery.
"Mona is a great protagonist. The freelance DEA undercover officer is a character we haven't seen before. That makes her fresh and appealing. Mona's someone we want to follow. Her relationship with her ex-husband and kids is a nice touch. Again, this gives Mona substance and makes her realistic. It also reverses the stereotype of the angry wife waiting for child support.
"With his mysterious past, Roberto is an intriguing character. He's obviously dangerous and yet at the same time very charismatic. This makes Mona's growing affection for him believable. Reintroducing George and Susan creates an interesting dynamic in the second half of the screenplay.
"From the attempted bombing of the Roberto's yacht to the airport shoot out, the main characters are in constant jeopardy. As the CIA becomes more desperate to finish the job, so too the stakes for Roberto and Mona continue to rise. The revelations about the JFK assassination lead to a dramatic conclusion with an unexpected twist."
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"I would like to compliment you on presenting a premise that I would consider engaging, large enough in imagination and entertainment value to hold my interest – as well as a storyline that delivers tension in a well orchestrated manner.
"The main characters are believable, as well as interesting. I believe them, believe in them and compliment the writers on their ability to complete the characters' ability to involve the reader in the story.
"The brisk pacing works well – as it must within the structure of this genre. There is a sense of momentum, as well as plateau rest areas – allowing the reader to catch his breath and gather up the results of the preceding actions. Nice work.
"LOOSE ENDS is told very much in the visual, with crisp dialogue that I would consider lean and mean."
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